Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
