I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
