I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
