I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
