I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
