it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
