Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize