hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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