did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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