is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's the barista slut.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
