Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
