I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
