My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My legs feel like baby dolphins
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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