sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
