You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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