that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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