I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?