Do you still have your period?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
