We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.