I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we're so committed to being not committed