I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?