dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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