Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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