How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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