i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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