My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
