Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
