I want to walk on stilts...naked
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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