Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
