i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
