Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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