Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
