the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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