Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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