i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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