I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
