I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
