on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
