yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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