I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
