It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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