How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
