I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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