I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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