Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
