Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
