So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
