I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
