she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
