dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
