it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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