i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
