she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm too high and old for this...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize