VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
