Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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