honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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