Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
