He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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