I cannot find my penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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