where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
